Why does this exist?
Somewhere between the till and the collection counter, there's an awkward little moment: a stranger with a marker pen asks for your name, and you have about half a second to decide whether they've earned it. Most of the time they haven't. NamePlease exists for that half a second.
"It's not lying. It's just ordering under an assumed identity."
What it actually does
Tap a button, get a name. That's the whole product. Behind the scenes there's a proper database of male and female names, split into short ones (five letters or fewer, for cups with terrible handwriting) and long ones (for baristas who enjoy a challenge). You can generate completely at random, or switch to "unique" mode in settings so you don't get the same alias twice until you've genuinely exhausted the list.
For customers
You don't owe the coffee shop your real name. You owe them £3.40 and mild eye contact. Use NamePlease to generate something plausible, spin the wheel if you're feeling indecisive, or look up a name's full persona if you're going to be sitting there a while and might as well commit to the character.
For baristas
Slow shift? Regulars getting predictable? Generate a name for the next person in the queue before they've even opened their mouth and see how close you get. We take no responsibility for the ensuing confusion, but we do respect the chaos.
The sarcasm, explained
Every generated name comes with a small, unnecessary comment on how well it suits you. This is not personal. It is not based on anything about you. It is a random line from a list, and it will be mean to absolutely everyone equally. That's the deal.
The boring bit
NamePlease is a free, ad-light bit of fun. It's installable as an app on your phone, works offline once loaded, and doesn't ask for any personal information — which, given the subject matter, would be a bit rich of us.